It is in giving that we receive….

Someone once expressed to me that they could not be good for someone if they did not feel good about themselves.  In a broad sense this made some sense but, in an individual setting, I found it somewhat shocking as it flew in the face of all that I had been brought up to believe. “It is in giving that we receive”, was the biblical quote burned into me. Nonetheless, I tried not to be instantly dismissive of this, to me, new approach.

Time passed and it was in that interlude that the worshiped false god of narcissism became exposed. It fell for me like Saddam’s statue in Baghdad, torn from its foundation by forces more powerful in the hands of a coalition of everyday people who wanted to live away from someone so focused on himself. They needed each other to effect change. It was thus the case too in my life.

The person who explained the belief to me became ever more self-indulgent and dysfunctional, all the while supported by the well-meaning kindness of friends who had to be fed distortions of truth to maintain their sympathy. In short, it led to a form of madness. Everything became sour. Blame had to be laid at others’ feet – colleagues, family and those not meeting required ‘needs’.

The whole industry supporting the ‘me first’ philosophy was mobilized. The tributaries include counselors, psychologists, and authors of self-help books. There are undoubtedly many fine examples of all these three in the full spectrum of practitioners. However, for the first two, there is a clear conflict of interest for the unscrupulous. Why ‘cure’ a problem if that leaves you without an income? In all three cases, practitioners of dubious quality appear to project their own experience as being directly relevant to others. A patient or reader being honest with themselves will be able to deduce whether this is the case of not. Those with ‘an axe to grind’ or who find themselves in an emotional pit can be easily exploited by a comforting word and a ‘plan for success’ that merely isolates them and leads them down a path of increasing despair.

Therefore despite the offer to adhere to the ‘me first’ doctrine, I reject it wholeheartedly. I do believe that, “it is in giving that we receive.” The passage continues, “and it is in dying that we are born into eternal life”. The religious consider this as a path to heaven. Perhaps it is also though a recognition that kindness and giving are building blocks to real joy, comfort and rescue in humanity, and that these memories are recorded in minds and souls and endure forever. In other words practitioners of these traits live eternally.